Not really my area of expertise. One of my exs (the former co-worker that I then had to leave the organization because he was being a dick) is attending and presenting at an event that I love to go to every few months. He actually introduced me to the event, but my good friend also goes, so chances I would have found out eventually.
We aren't on terrible terms, but we aren't on good terms either. For work purposes, I've tried to stay as diplomatic as possible, but I honestly dislike him a lot. This is also because I really really really liked him when we were dating and it was really disappointing when he revealed his true self. Nothing is of course 100% his fault, we both have flaws. But there is a lot of stuff that is because he is 100% a dick.
I've been debating skipping the event because I don't want to see him. But I really want to see the things at the event (there isn't anything similar going on) and talk to a bunch of people I like.
Conversely, I do really want to see him (DAMN FEELINGS), and know it would be really really bad if I had prolonged exposure to him. He has magical charm ability! He is literally infectious.
When this situation came up before I told my friend who was going with me, that I would need her to make sure I didn't spent time with him. That I didn't say yes, and basically drag me away. Luckily he didn't show. It was a huge relief.
She will be working at the event, so I can't really ask this of her, because she has a lot on her plate.
My current plans
A) Don't go. (Good because I save money)
B) Go, but come later, and spend time with everyone else. Do not go to the evening event and make separate plans, or leave the city early. (Oh I really don't have time to chat because of time sensitive reason) So there is no chance of any prolonged conversation or getting roped into doing something.
B) is often is partnered with my delusion of him apologizing to me and explaining that he was 100% a dick to me and that he really fucked up. (No I don't want him back as a bf, I simply miss working on the projects we did together. Full disclosure, I miss the sex, but I do not want it from him, even though it is super tempting but I'll feel like shit afterward so no.)
And then I'm like "NO, Not Bad for Robot, he was terrible for you! Look at this graph of how much our happiness has increased since we left. It's at a seven year high. Don't do it. You are so much better! See look our confidence it's up. There's this weird feeling in your chest, you know self respect and self love? They feel strange because you haven't known either of those two in like 8 years. We need to keep those, and tell people who try to fuck with them, to piss off."
Sensible me says "Don't risk it. Just stay at home. He will ruin you."
And adventurous me says "But you love that event, and so many cool people will be there and you said you'd go! We can't break our word! We can totally just avoid him and say hello to our former colleague. And if he asks you to do something just say 'No.' or 'I have other obligations now.' Don't let him keep ruining shit for you"
And this kinda keeps going and going. I've been thinking about it for almost a month.