I procrastinate. A lot. Scary levels of a lot. “Procrastinate doing basic tasks like getting out of bed or getting back in the bed” levels of a lot. “Accidentally develop little rituals to aid my procrastination instead of stopping it” a lot. So much of a lot that for a while I considered getting professional help—but when I looked for people to help me with my “procrastination disorder,” I came up dry. Since then, I just sort of muddle through the day, trying out different coping methods and hoping I can trick my brain into believing that projects can indeed be done without panic. I haven’t yet missed any important deadlines, but I’ve spent many half-hours before deadlines wondering if I will.

There is advice out there on how to cope with procrastination. The kinds of advice I hear usually follow these lines:

  • Break things up into small tasks, and focus on getting each small task done one at a time! (this only works if you don’t fall into the pattern I did, which is giving yourself a massive break after each task. Did not speed up the process at all.)
  • Think of a good reward you can give yourself when you’re done! (or you could just give yourself the reward now, because you’re an adult and nobody is standing between you and your stash of peanut butter ice cream.)
  • If you’re procrastinating, procrastinate with something useful! (but, Tumblr.)
  • Work in small chunks! (this one is actually kind of effective, but it depends on you having the willpower to even begin in the first place.)
  • Take an embarrassing picture of yourself dressed as the meat in a large hot dog, put it in an envelope addressed to your grandma, give it to a friend, and make them promise to mail it if you don’t show them proof of your completed projects within a given time frame! (I have not yet tried this one. I am this close to doing so.)

So, I feel like I’ve drunk the magical well of procrastination advice dry. How do you deal with it?

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Note: I wrote this while procrastinating. You will always be able to tell when I have a large project coming up because my Groupthink use spikes considerably.