Oh experts of flying, bestow upon me your knowledge of airline seating...

I travel a fair amount domestically but haven’t flown internationally for a few years. Taking a look at seating on my flight, it shows only three economy seats left (side note: what a weird fucking plane layout). So...not that this is accurate or anything, but wouldn’t I just sit on it until I get there and see if I can upgrade? Upgrading is SO impossible anymore, it seems like, I need tips and tricks please. I actually do fly United a good amount, but it’s not skin off my nose to upgrade here and there because I am usually flying for work.

Flying is one of the few times that I actually feel inclined to cry because I am not rich.