Fucking fuck that fucking shit.
Spoiler alert, obviously.
What the fucking hell? What the hell were they thinking? What is wrong with this crap? Let me count the ways.
1. Marshall's future is filled with bitter struggle (back in corporate law) but he gets to pursue his dreams (running for state Supreme Court). Lily's future? We get nothing about her future except that she makes some babies and is really sad to lose touch with her friends. This isn't to say that motherhood isn't fulfilling, but come on - Lily had her art consultant career, could have gone back to teaching, but we get nothing about her future except for babies. I call bullshit.
2. Ted and the Mother. We have to wait until the final five minutes to even learn her name. Then they kill her immediately after. The kids (filmed all the way back in season 1) were right. This show has never been about how Ted met the Mother. She has no importance to the story. The whole premise of the show is a lie.
3. Robin. I'm totally fine with her and Barney not staying together. That was never going to work, and that's fine and everything. But did they need to make it so every other character seemed to get more and more bitter about her success and how busy she is? They still hang out with Barney, and until Barney had his kid (NPH makes an adorable dad, guys!) he went right back to the Barney everybody hated and had hoped Barney had grown out of being. And I can't blame Robin for staying far away from that shitshow. But the other characters, especially Lily and Marshall, should have understood and not seemed so bitter. You just had to tear her down once she's experiencing success so you can make it possible for Ted to get with her again, didn't you, show writers? WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST WOMEN BEING SUCCESSFUL OUTSIDE OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
4. Speaking of romantic relationships, does anyone believe for one second that Ted would wait more than five years to get married after proposing? That flies in the face of everything established in his character.
5. You had finally, finally given Ted closure on Robin. He gave Barney the locket and closed the book on Robin for good. What the fuck made you think we needed to open that door again? Ted had finally, finally achieved character development and you rip it away from us!
6. I like bittersweet endings. I genuinely do, but what's up with this? Every one of our main five characters gets a pretty shitty trip to the eventual happiness point. Marshall and Lily have to suffer before Marshall can land his judgeship and start his career, and Lily gets to have another baby (but with two, then three it seems like her art consulting isn't happening anymore). Barney and Robin split up and Robin has a great career (and seems to have the best time of the pre-final ending), but Barney regresses back to what he was until he becomes a father. There's some redemption (tempered by his idiotic and sudden turnaround just days after becoming a father when talking to those young women at the bar). And Ted gets the Mother, she dies, and he tells his kids this story because he really, really wants to get back with Robin - and now we're back to that destruction of character development.
7. The ending. This show is How I Met Your Future Step-Mother Robin, Putzed around Being an Idiot about Her, Wound up Meeting Your Mother, Having You, and Marrying Her before She Died and Spent Six Years Waiting for You to Give Me Permission to Chase after Robin Again. But HIMYM is way easier to type than HIMYFSTRPBIHWMYMHYMHSDSSYWYGMPCRA.
So here's my review of the episode: FUCK IT!