...when the friend is the one who cheated and basically fucked up the marriage. This is my husband’s best friend, best man at our wedding. My husband was best man at his friend’s wedding a few months before ours. Then shortly into the marriage, friend comes to my husband and says that he has a crush on a coworker. Husband tells friend to tell his wife and cut the shit. Friend and friend’s wife go to counseling for a while, but end up splitting a few months later. Friend waits until the lease is up on their apartment, so it looks like he waited for the most convenient time to bounce.

Friend’s separation comes after five months of marriage, but ten years as a couple. Friend had turned to my husband during all this, but later admits he lied about being with coworker/crush while going through the divorce. Super shady behavior. My husband does not approve and has been kind of avoiding his best friend because he’s so disappointed in the way friend acted. Friend has since started officially dating the coworker/crush (realistically this began while he was still married) and they live together now (now being 14 months after his wedding to ex-wife).

This guy is in his thirties and hasn’t been single in over a decade. He clearly needs to learn to be on his own, but he’s not my best friend, so I can’t say that to him. I guess my question is how to support my husband in all this. Because I don’t want him to lose his best friend, but his friend has acted in such an underhanded way. If friend had come to my husband and said, “Getting married was a mistake. I have to leave so I can be happy,” that would be sad but straightforward. The lying and emotional (if not physical) affair makes it harder to deal with.

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My husband does not want to meet the coworker/mistress/girlfriend with whom best friend now lives. (New girlfriend looks JUST like ex-wife, which makes it all weirder.) But how can you stay friends with someone while never meeting or discussing their partner they live with? Not to mention friend has mentioned to my husband that he and the new girlfriend plan to have kids in the next couple years. (IT IS SO CRAZY TO ME THAT HE TOOK TEN YEARS TO PROPOSE TO HIS EX BUT WANTS TO HAVE KIDS WITH SOMEONE HE HAS BEEN WITH LESS THAN A YEAR).

And if we do ever meet this woman, do I really have to act like their relationship is kosher? I know the polite thing to do would be to ignore the fact that he started dating her while still married to his ex, but that seems so fake and lame.

tl:dr: My husband’s best friend cheated on his wife and now has a new live-in girlfriend whom he took to Paris on the one-year anniversary of his wedding to his ex. If one of my friends pulled these shenanigans, we could just have a wine night and hash it all out and be cool. But how do you deal with other people’s bad behavior when you are not close enough to be straight with them? Just ignore it like a fart?