So, there’s this guy who has been flirty with me for the past few months. I was trying to write it off as just flirting that wasn’t going to go anywhere, not because I wasn’t interested, but because I have the worst luck with men and dating and didn’t want to get my hopes up at all. I’ve also been telling myself that since we didn’t know each other that well it was unlikely we’d be a good match.

Well, we ended up on a date tonight, and he is like if I willed my perfect man into existence. We’re fans of the same sports teams (we know each other from hanging out at the same soccer bar), have similar political views, and he is a movie buff who says he wants to watch weird movies with me. I TALKED ABOUT THE BODILY MUTILATION IN ANTICHRIST AND HIS RESPONSE WAS THAT HE WANTS TO HANG OUT AND WATCH IT (the cinephile’s Netflix and chill?)

And he held my hand all night, and we made out, and he was adorable.

And now I am thinking of every relationship or almost relationship I’ve had and how they all went horribly wrong, and how for the past few years I’ve been completely convinced that I’m going to die alone, and now my fucking hopes are up, but this is never ever going to work out because things in my life just don’t work out. It’s been a long time since I’ve had anything to be genuinely happy about, and now it’s just like I want it too much, so I’m 100% sure it’s going to end in disaster.