I loved Judy with a devotion that was close to an obsession. She and Mickey were my ideal. To be able to work with someone you cared about, movie after movie, singing and dancing with the best directors in the businesss...it was my dream to be able to do that. I studied those movies. I took in every inflectIon, every change in facial expression and body language. There was so much to notice - and then they'd leap onto a piano or a car or a table, the energy, and now I see the youth.

I just watched Mickey on TCM's Private Screenings talking about the director who verbally abused him and ended his career at MGM. I think of the things that stalled my own, the things that just weren't fair and yet you don't talk about them, because it is always your fault, isn't it, that is what people think, and yet these things happened. Mickey was angry and denied they haunted him and yet you could see that they did. And mine haunt me. And I am not young anymore either. And it's raining and things end. Everything ends. But the movies - you can watch them over and over again.

So many feels...