I know, I know. But look: there’s a new piece on r/mgtow quoting Rich Zubaty* (me neither) which is so beautifully un-ironic in its presentation and delivery and reception that I couldn’t not share it:

Are men the oppressors of women or are women the oppressors of men?

I’m so brainwashed by feminazis that my first response is, obviously, “women!” but I just bet I’m about to be thrown for a real loop here.

A woman wakes up in the morning in a house built by men. She starts the water to boil on a stove

Literally what.

built by men. And sits at a chair and table put there by men. To read a newspaper written in part by women but printed and delivered by men.

Sure, sure. There are some female journalists. I think they write about lipstick and kittens or something. But let’s face facts: everyone is still definitely reading a traditional print version of a newspaper which is definitely delivered by grown men (or, more accurately, by 13 year old kids of both genders and their parents — which would definitely include mothers — on an underpaid paper run). And the Huffington Post isn’t real.

She nibbles some toast made from grains grown and harvested by men. Woops!

What did this clumsy bitch do now.

Time to take a shower.

I’m confused.

She turns a faucet handle installed by a man. And lo and behold out comes hot water delivered by vastly complicated water system built and maintained by men.

BUT WHERE DID THE WATER COME FROM? Sweetheart, your ladybrain never even thinks about how difficult plumbing is. But you benefit from it every day as you wash your precious woman hair and shave your legs and armpits every day, for fear of being treated like some kind of un-feminine swamp creature. But shhh — don’t think about all of the scary pipes. Just know that daddy’s got you covered. So be grateful. And maybe smile more?

She drives to work in a car built by men, on roads built by men, powered by petroleum drilled and refined and delivered by men. She arrives at an office building built by men. Walks to her desk, fires up her computer and glances out her window at a city built by men full of potential customers for her service business.

Service: not a job that matters. The underpaid female barrista who handed you your morning coffee wasn’t real. Doesn’t count.

Advertisement

Ladies, it’s time you realized: this is a world built and controlled by men. That’s how you know men are the real oppressed class and you’re all a bunch of Persian cats sitting upon your velvet cushions. Oh, and you’re all white and middle-to-upper class with full-time office jobs or your own businesses. Just in case you didn’t know.

Out of the corner of her eye a table in the conference room that seems awkwardly out of place snags her attention.

If it’s “out of the corner of her eye,” we already know it “snags” her attention — but the arts and communication are all unimportant lady jobs, so I digress.

She strokes her earlobe...

Genuine question: is this meant to convey something I’m not picking up on?

at that moment the janitor scoots by in the hallway. “Bob! Oh Bob! Could you PLEASE move that table further into the corner? You’re such a dear.” She pins him with a delectable and utterly phony smile.

Politeness = fake bitchery.

Bob, oblivious to the cheapness of the words and falseness of the smile,

Sorry, are we being patronizing to Bob? I thought we were standing up for the Bobs of the world.

thrilled to get any attention at all from such an attractive person,

Oh, it’s that Bob is still in the system of the matriarchy. The fool.

pitches right in. And as he lugs one corner of the heavy table across the carpet, she exhales a comfortable sigh.

All female janitorial staff? They don’t count. Only poor Bob counts — because he has to put up with Sharon (that’s you!) and her shitty fake smiles when she asks you to move a table (?). Also she (you!) says “You’re a dear” in the year 2015 like most people do.

Her day has begun. She will spend the next 8 to 10 hours telling other people what to do. That’s her understanding of work. This creature who has no idea where things come from, how they are made, and has not the slightest knowledge of how the world works has been put in charge of it...because there is really nothing else of specific value she could be doing.

Women in positions of authority: ungrateful, unskilled, and dimwitted animals who don’t really have an understanding of labour because they didn’t make roads and stoves like all men do. No woman — or manager — understands mechanics, engineering, or tech. None of them. In this post-recession climate, all of the high-powered jobs went to women while men toiled away in the faucet mines.

If she lived in a world built by women, she would be sitting in a tent watching her breath in front of her face stitching animal hides, but she lives in a world built almost entirely by men and amazingly she has not the slightest appreciation or gratitude for that fact. She never even stops to think about it. Never stops to think that if all the things men make and do were magically removed right now she would be plodding through a muddy swamp looking for red-wing blackbird eggs.

Yeah, yeah. For sure. I mean, maybe also you’d have syringes, refrigerators, dish washers, computer algorithms, x-rays, wireless technology, the circular saw, bulletproof vests, white-out, central heating... but I mean, basically we’d all be stumbling around in the mud flinging shit at each other.

She thinks the world is made out of proper grammar and attractive clothing and polite conversation and correct opinions instead of rivets and concrete and copper and petroleum. From the day she picked up her first teaspoon she has been learning to manipulate the things men provide as if they were put in front of her by god or mother nature.

The very foundation of life: who... who facilitates that? I can’t remember.

She has no idea what men actually do, yet, according to her and the media she consumes men are assholes. How long do you think this is going to actually last? When I think of the Men: the lumberjacks and truck drivers and paper mill workers and printers and delivery men, the men who have to get up early every morning and do very hard jobs so that Ellen Goodman and Maureen Dowd and other feminist blowhards can sit in their climate controlled offices shitting out editorials about what assholes men are, when I think of those women walking on the backs of all those men I want to start bombing things. Let’s bomb them all the way back to the unheated tent and muddy swamp and see what they complain about then. Maybe they’ll start writing editorials about how women should start doing real work not just office work.

The mass majority of clothes that were sewn by impoverished women? Don’t count. Smart phones and flat-screen TVs and mass amounts of luxury goods made by working-class women? Not important. The houses and offices cleaned by working class women? Not a real skill — strike it. The number of jobs and trades that actively block women or tell women that they aren’t strong enough/competent enough to take part and compete? Let’s not get crazy with facts and reality here.

Here are the facts.

At last!

19 out of 20 people who die on the job are men. 4 out of 5 suicides are men. 85% of the homeless are men. Women live 7 years longer than men. 65% of America’s wealth is owned by women (says Forbes magazine). Men are not regarded as equal parents to their children. Men are drafted in time of war and women are not. Given these facts how could anyone with half a brain possibly believe that men are the oppressors of women.

So true. Now remind me — what percentage of politicians, business executives, doctors, and generals are men? Who is making the decisions that lead to these statistics? Is it... women? The women who are holding all middle-class management jobs, the women who are holding 65% of the wealth*, the women who are keeping the good table-moving men like Bob down?

Now hear this: Men are now and always have been the protectors and providers for women...the PROTECTORS and PROVIDERS for women.

Oh, I see — they know it’s men. It’s not that women are controlling anything. It’s that we need to be a little more fucking grateful, and smile a little more, and maybe have fewer thoughts and opinions, because hey — a man paid for her to be able to have them in the first place. Sweetheart.

In summary: Jesus Christ, man. I need a shower — OH NO HOW DO PIPES EVEN WORK?!

*A misquoted statistic from a book published in 1996 which stated that women spend 65% of the world’s wealth. Which is an interesting claim, and leads one to wonder if it maybe has something to do with women being the ones who physically make most of the purchases for the home and family, but it’s at least 20 years old and hard to track down any kind of genuine figures for.

*Actual photo of Rich Zubaty: