(PLEASE do not mainpage.)

I'm sure I will regret this later, but I am truly feeling hopeless — and helpless, too.

I received a notice today that my student loans had been transferred to a collections agency. The notice said it was because my account was delinquent. I had no idea my account was even close to becoming delinquent.

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I called the Department of Education, which had been holding my loans, and I got an automated message telling me that my loans had been transferred to the collections agency.

I called the collections agency multiple times, and I couldn't get any further than a random rep's voice mail. I eventually left a voice message, but I sounded rather deranged (I was trying my best not to sob). Who even knows if they'll call me back.

I wouldn't be so upset except that my student loan is/was being rehabbed after falling into default, and as of October — the last time I talked to a live person from the Department of Education, I was only a month or two away from finishing the rehab period. I was so proud of myself because a. even getting the DoE to agree to a suitable rehab plan was an utter pain in the ass, and b. I saw to it that I made my rehab payment on time every month even though I was unemployed between Dec. 2012 and July 2013. There was a snag with my account a little while ago because the DoE lost one of my payments, but I thought I was somewhat close to straightening that out with the help of my bank. I should have just paid up when the DoE told me I owed them two payments at once. I could have afforded it, but I wanted to fight it.

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Now with this collections notice, I feel like all of the conscientousness on my part means nothing, and that I'm in an even worse place than simply having my loan in default. I was gone all day today, so I didn't even get the mail until about 3:30 p.m., and it took me a while to recover from hysterics to sound somewhat normal on the phone (not that I even got to talk to a real person).

I've been struggling with some self-doubt and winter depression, plus most of you know I've been having issues with my girlfriend. Getting this collections notice was most definitely what I DIDN'T need right now, and I can already feel myself hurtling toward a shitty emotional place.