It's been a long, hard day at Casa Ranger and I was happy that the candy distribution time had come. When I got home, I'd ripped off my bra and popped on one of my many cheap but comfy Old Navy tees and began the frozen vodka lemonades that are my solace.

Candles lit and small ones ringing my doorbell, all was well. Next was a ten/eleven year old girl who looked to me as if she was Elphaba. "Trick or treat! Wow, genius, neat!" I realize I'm wearing what looks like a football jersey with "GENIUS" across my chest. I give her a giant handful of candy, she thanks me, and as she leaves, she turns back and says, "I gotta get me one of those shirts."