Okay. So this guy in a mall sat me in a chair and put stuff on my face. I did not ask him to do this. He was sort of actually irrepressible. I am still not wuite sure how he managed it, he was that good. Ten seconds, twenty max, from eye contact to in a chair with a strange overly-made-up man in his early twenties swabbing something on my face.

I am just over thirty, and I have rarely thought of things like moisturizing. I swear to God, I had baby butt skin on my face when he was done.

So I have this bottle of this stuff, and here is what it does. IT EATS THE SKIN OFF YOUR FUCKING FACE. You just swab this shit on, and watch your skin literally come off.

I am enthralled, creeped out, kind of worried about my own sanity, and wondering: in what universe is it considered totally normal to spend a lazy Wednesday letting some sort of acid eat one's face off? How is this possibly allowed to exist as a thing you can buy?