I am having a terrible conundrum and I feel so squeezed between things that I am literally unable to think clearly about this situation.
1) I have a terminally ill cat. Today I was informed that there is nothing more that can be done for him. This has been looming for some time so I am not exactly surprised but it’s sad. He hasn’t felt sick this whole time so I haven’t prolonged suffering or anything — he’s just more or less been his normal self except for when he first got sick, but today I can see that he does not feel well. His hematocrit is 12. That is bad. I have to give him several syringes a day of liquid medicine — which hasn’t done him a damn bit of good. I’m considering not giving it to him any more, because he hates it and he’s been stressed a lot today by going to the vet. It’s immunosuppressive therapy and as I say, it has not helped him really, but he also gets prednisolone which the vet said would make him feel better.
2) I’m a professor and I work really far from where I live, so on days I work, I’m out of the house for like 16 hours. I can’t skip work tomorrow because I have a killer day and I’ve already missed a day this term because of my own illness issues, but maybe that is what I am going to have to do, I dunno. But this would be terrible. On the other hand, FML.
3) My father has Alzheimer’s and fucking with his routine is very bad to do. His routine is that I take him to a beach cottage we have every Friday night and come back on Sunday. He’s been going there for 35 years and he’s deteriorating and I really really do not want to mess with his routine because that makes him much worse and I am already afraid his caregiver will quit, because he’s mean to her and says terrible things. This is typical of Alzheimer’s.
4) I have a cat sitter that comes in when I;m away with him to give the cats their meds and check on them. But with this one cat in a precarious state, I feel weird about doing that. And what am I waiting for, anyway? He’s going to be gone soon, and I don’t want him to feel sick, and I know for a fact that is exactly what is coming down the pike — in fact, maybe tomorrow, I don’t know.
5) My family vet (he’s been going to million dollar specialists most of this time and that’s who I saw today) has gone down to part time, bridging to maternity leave, so I can’t consult her, or at least not until Saturday, but I will be with my Dad then and far from both the vet and the cat, but I can talk to her on the phone I guess. Her partner may call me tonight but she is not as familiar with the whole saga.
6) What do i do. I feel like I know I am going to have to put him to sleep probably within the next week but maybe I should do it tomorrow or Friday to prevent him from getting sick? I hate thinking about putting him to sleep before absolutely necessary just to keep my father’s routine intact or to not skip work, but he could get super sick over the weekend and I wouldn’t be in a position to do anything about it. I don’t think he’d live until Monday without getting majorly sick, but — I just don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know!
7) My Dad’s illness is destroying my ability to think clearly or make decisions or even to visualize my future any more. At the same time, it’s a reality I have to factor in to this decision. I can’t put the cat first.
thank you GT