I’m trying to figure out how to talk to you guys right now. When anything potentially life-changing happens, my first instinct is to try and tell it as a funny story so that the reception is good. This includes things that really aren’t amusing. I think I picked that up from my mom.

So, telling it exactly like it is: my therapist, who I’ve been doing trauma work with for the last 2.5 years just told me that I probably have Aspergers (I know that’s not used in the US anymore with DSM-V, but we’re still on an older version of the ICD here). I’m not sure how I feel about it, and I’m not sure how I should feel about it. (It also doesn’t help that I’m in the middle of switching SSRIs — so everything is giving me FEELINGS)

When trying to research about autism in women, I keep finding either lists that are about as helpful as the side-effect listings on my antidepressants (one that’s passed around a lot has a lot of things like “she either raises her hand all the time in class or never” — thanks list! Those things are the EXACT OPPOSITE OF EACH OTHER) or a lot of testimonials from people who haven’t been formally diagnosed.

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I’ve long suspected that I’ve had some disability masked by my intelligence (I feel like an asshole writing that), but this isn’t what I expected. I’ve already talked with my case worker about starting the paperwork to go get a neuropsych work-up, but while I wait for that I feel... discombobulated. I want to arm myself with enough knowledge so that make sure they get it right.

The thing that’s breaking my heart is that when I read through comments on these pages, it seems like a huge percentage of women who have diagnoses have them because they’ve had sons who get diagnosed on the spectrum.

I don’t want to get my hopes up that there’s a name for the nameless thing that’s been wrong with me because I’ve been reading fuzzy descriptions.

Does anyone know of any good resources on autism in women?