This is kind of a realization I'm having and also a rant at the end kinda...

I've gotten to the point for whatever reason (probably half of which is because I'm about to move in like 3 weeks) that I don't want to date for a while. It's so interesting that I've come to this point because I used to constantly want to talk to a new guy not necessarily to be with them, but to flirt and talk to them and now I feel ok with not even doing that.

My best friend is trying to convince me to get on Tinder but I'm moving and I'm tired of online dating in general. I'm not opposed to meeting someone or making friends, but I am more interested in getting adjusted when I go up there. I feel like dating for a year and a half had its purpose which was to figure out what kind of man I wanted. That purpose is mostly done, and now I want to focus on me for a while.

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I don't know that my best friend really gets this. She talks about Tinder a lot and I'm glad she's having fun, but I'm not interested in joining another site. She has barely started using online dating sites this year, while I've been at it off and on since January 2013. I think it's ok if I take a hiatus...It's just what I need and want for myself right now. I'm already thinking of turning off OkCupid for a few months but I think I may keep it on just in case. I've already interacted with a few guys in grad school at my university so I can at least meet people and hang out that way.

Being ok with not seriously dating or going on many dates is a big thing for me. I used to be very insecure, felt lonely, and just generally unsure about what I wanted. I've grown and matured a lot in my thinking because I put myself out there and dated different kinds of people. I don't want to quit and never date again, I just want to focus on myself and maybe try new things instead of putting so much energy into dating.

My friend is also basically telling me I should have sex, although she's saying it in a different way. I'm getting a bit frustrated when she gives me this kind of "advice" about just going ahead and having sex instead of waiting. I don't feel she quite understands the numerous assaults and scary situations I've been in. I feel kind of weird because she really don't have much experience with dating, but started having sex recently because she said she wanted to do it to feel more confident. I'm all for that, but that's not the way I can do things right now, and sometimes I think she's equating dating with having sex with men and they are not the same thing.

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I know sex can be a wonderful thing and it feels good and I don't debate that. I've had sexual experiences, just not one that includes actual PIV. I waited until I felt comfortable with someone to do anything sexual at all and I don't regret it and it was wonderful for me. I just want to be able to do things on my own time table, without feeling pressured or like I'm missing out.

I will have sex. Just when I am ready and when I can trust and feel comfortable with someone who will be patient and kind with me...