Last night I made a perfect omelet. I make omelets about once a month, and roughly 75% of the time what starts as an omelet ends as scrambled eggs (whoops).

That omelet last night was fucking perfect. Martha Stewart would use it as an example in her magazine perfect. She would use its picture to troll Gwyneth Paltrow with its awesomeness.

I just made another PERFECT OMELET. Two days in a row. This boggles my mind.

I think I have reached the threshold of omelet mastery.

Anyhoo, I’m going to enjoy my late dinner of reheated turnip greens and an omelet now.