You guys I need some cheering up. Anybody got any cute puppy/kitten/hedgehog gifs to share?
I've spent the day crying on and off and I'm having a super hard time stopping. This weekend has definitely been a set back in the PPD journey so I'm going to call and make an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who gave me encouragement and support the other day.
Here is what has set me off into a spiral of depression and shame today. On Friday Baby Haa had her two month check up. If you'll remember she was small when she was born (6#,3oz) and had dropped down to 5 and a half a few days after birth. At her two week appointment her weight was up and the doctor was quite happy with it. So now at almost 9 weeks she weighs 8#9oz and I was so, so happy to hear how much weight she had gained... until the doctor came in and said that Baby Haa is in the 0 percentile for weight. I was so dejected. I thought I was doing so good by her but she's not gaining enough weight from me. My doctor wants me to supplement a couple bottles of breast milk a day with a teaspoon or two of formula to increase the caloric content of the milk. Today she is having me exclusively pump for Baby Haa to see how much she eats in a day. I'm having a really hard time pumping enough so that's adding to my stress and feelings of failure. My mom set me off when I told her I was stressed because she immediately started in on how maybe I should consider getting her on formula. I just feel like no one is supporting me in this. No one wants me to succeed at this. It feels awful.