This is such a long, complicated, and painful story, so I'll try to stick to the short version. In late 2012, I met a guy while working abroad. We were both expats and both had to return to our home countries in three months. He knew I would be in his area in spring 2013 and invited me to stay with him for a long weekend. I had realized I was developing feelings for him when we initially worked together, but he had a long distance gf. However, he subsequently broke up with her. By the time we spent the weekend together in his city, I decided I would tell him how I felt. He didn't reject me, but said there was another girl in his life and he needed time to think because realistically, he didn't think it would work out between us. I told him that was fine, but I couldn't really remain just "friends" anymore and he got really upset and started crying and asking "why?" and it was a whole ugly scene. I was back in his city a month later and we saw each other again. I knew the writing was on the wall, and he confirmed that he "more or less" had a girlfriend by then, but still "cared" about me. Whatever. It was devestating, but I STILL tried to remain "friends" with him because he seemed to be hellbent on that. Finally, a mutual friend found out we would both be in friend's city the same weekend and invited us to all go out to dinner, although my crush was there visiting for a romantic weekend with his new girlfriend. I basically wrote him this long letter saying I just couldn't anymore because I still loved him. He wrote back saying that if circumstances were different or maybe in the future we could be together but for now we probably needed space. I agreed and, although it was probably the most painful thing ever, cut off contact and continued on with my life. This included de-friending and everything, which he thought was abrupt and extreme, but I had to do it for my sanity.

I should probably mention that I have anxiety and depression issues and struggled with both this fall. I'm finally finding my equilibrium when I get a letter in the mail last week. He had somehow (google?) found my address and sent me a letter wishing me Merry Christmas/Happy Birthday and caught me up a bit on his life (no mention of gf). He also wrote that I "lingered on his mind frequently" and he begged me to get back in touch when I felt it was appropriate.

I'm really torn. On one hand, I did want to re-establish contact at some point, when I was more firmly grounded. We had a connection that we both cherished and acknowledged. On the other hand, I'm not really sure what the point is. Whether or not the gf situation has changed, our nationality/career situation hasn't, and I'm no longer willing to be the one to make all the sacrifices. My biggest issue is that, like my best friend says, he seems like he wants to keep the door open, but to what? I can't live that way, and he won't definitively do or say anything. It's not even necessarily the situation, but rather, I know myself and the way I react, and this is painful for me. On the other hand, I have to acknowledge that I've been happier and more self-confident in the past week since I've received this letter than in probably nine months. Sigh. I know.