So I was emailing my mom to tell her that I wasn't dead, and decided to include links to Hyperbole and a Half... specifically the ones that deal with depression. It wasn't supposed to freak her out or anything, but since Hyperbole and a Half had such a good description of what my own depression felt like (though mine was never that severe), I wanted my mom to read it and see what she thought.

Long story short... I think I broke her? My mom is the only person in my immediate family who hasn't had depression, and apparently the comics really crystallized what we've all told her about our feelings or lack thereof over the years. Her response had a lot of apologies for not really understanding or knowing what I was going through, for being one of the "unhelpful" people, etc. She sounded rattled.

Dealing with my family's various bouts of depression must have been so difficult for my mom, and I don't think I fully appreciated that until now. She had to watch all of us go through that, one by one. It must have been terrible, seeing everyone in her family hurt, and feeling absolutely powerless to stop it.

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But in all honesty, both my parents were amazing when I was at my worst. Occasionally my mom was the annoying "Just be happy!" person, but more often than not she just offered support and told me she loved me, unconditionally, no matter what. To think that she didn't know how much she helped....

Aw nuts. Now I'm the one crying.