I try really hard to be a nice person. I mean, I really try, really hard. But my brain is evil and cruel things pop into my head, unbidden. I've decided to start sharing those mean, unwelcome, but always funny (to me, because I'm evil) thoughts.

Today, I woke at 3:30 am because, hey, why the hell not, right?! As I sit in a sleepless stupor, I decided to watch the first part of the new Rosemary's Baby. As some of you may know, I have an unhealthy obsession with the original and wasn't really looking forward to the new one.

But at 5 am, after you've already watched the most recent RHONY that Hulu will offer for free, what are you gonna do, right?

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I'm keeping a running list of everything I hate about the new version so far. To name just a few:

1. The story of how they get the apartment is ridiculously, needlessly complex. Like, it's so, so stupid!

2. An English professor instead of an actor? Come on! An English professor would be familiar with all the literature about dealing with Satan and make better choices (I think).

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3. Young, sexy Castavets? No, thank you. I'll take Ruth Gordon's chalky mousse any day.

There are many more items on my complaint list. But the one "nice" thought I had was most revealing of all: They've timed the commercial breaks well, I'll give them that.