It's true. Since my unbearable loneliness interferes with my work, if you made out with me, it would make me feel happy and those happy feelings would allow me to get more science done.
Hell, it doesn't even have to be making out: it could just be snuggling on the couch and watching a movie. With some accidental boob grabbing.
ps i am drunk because I was working in the lab until 11 tonight and FUCK EVERYTHING