I’m afraid my little furbuddy of fifteen years is dying.

Her kidneys don’t work, according to the vet. She’s gotten scarily thin, and even when I open her favorite food she just makes reflexive gestures at it, tries to eat a bite or two, maybe.

She’s been here before, and rallied and come back. She’s fifteen. Which is old for a cat, but not ancient. Now I see her struggling to just breathe normally after jumping up on the counter, and my heart aches. We lost our last cat to kidney failure, and went aggressive, which involved sticking her with needles in order to gain a few weeks or months. Won’t make that mistake again.

But I’m not at all ready to say goodbye. And I can’t stop crying.

Please, universe, be kind for once, won’t you? Please please?