I'm an emotional wreck.
I heard back from one of the shelters, they needed pictures and more information so they could try to find a foster home. It feels much more real now and I've been weeping most of the morning. I feel so sad to lose my girl. I put so much love and time into her - I helped her with dealing with people, potty training, learning how to use a leash...she's a great dog now. Just not great with children, thunderstorms, or fireworks. Loud, unpredictable things freak her out but if the internet is to be trusted here - many small dogs aren't good with those sorts of things since they're easily injured and have to be on the defensive. Most people who meet her tell me how well behaved she is and it made me so happy to see she's well adjusted.
I'm rationally know that this is the best for her - ever since my oldest started to walk (he's 3 now), she's jumpy. Nervous. Wary. Not usual self - she's shy now and wants to retreat to her crate and other rooms. I know she looks forward to when my toddler is in bed for the night and she jumps back up on the couch for pets and scratches.
I also feel so ashamed. I know people are going to tell me I'm selfish, bad pet owner, insinuate that I don't know how much responsibility an animal is, etc. I'm usually the friend who will take in the pet - not surrender. Over the past decade I've taken in one hamster, and two stray cats (no, not all at once) that needed homes and my friends couldn't care for them. I feel ashamed I couldn't make it work with my sweet doggie.