In case you were worried that you weren't being a real man, Esquire wrote you a handy guide: What is a Man.

It must be a relief to have these things stated for you so clearly. After all, according to Esquire, real men don't think or reflect upon things:

He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized.

In case you don't want to read the whole article (real men are too busy using their power tools to read, amiright?), here's some highlights:


Things men should do: Build things. Speak to dogs. Be straight. Objectify women. Bust balls. Infer. Contain the potential for violence. Know directions without a compass. Be unpredictable, like an animal in the zoo.

Things men shouldn't do: Drink wine. Think hard. Be a liberal. Be a conservative. Dance.

Not mentioned: Being swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.