Wow. I just had a total mind fuck. The local news just got a little too local for my liking. Feeling all the weird feels.

I love reading the newspaper and doing the crossword puzzle but since our local newspaper subscription costs an arm and a leg, I always make a point to pick up the new free little local paper in town. It's a much smaller paper, but it's got all the major news stories, plus a crossword and sudoku, all for the lovely price of free. I usually read it in the morning, but for whatever reason I got distracted today and didn't get a chance to read it other than glancing at headlines about the weather, drugs, and politics. Boy, did I get a surprise when I took a closer look this evening.

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If I come across something interesting, I often read it aloud to Mr. L, as I enjoy some debate and discussion with my news! When I turned the cover page and read the first story to catch my eye "Search Warrants & Drug Raid Nets Arrests, Meth, Crack & Cash" (Article Title & Names changed to protect identities), I immediately started reading it aloud for Mr. L as well.

"Several men were arrested this weekend after search warrants were executed at two addresses in the city. More than $15,000 in cash, 140g of crystal Methamphetamine, Hydromorphine pills, and a small amount of crack was found. The following men face a series of charges; Jeff Black, 30, charged with possession of a controlled substance for the purpose of trafficking,... ".

Wait a minute. "**Jeffrey Black**. That name is familiar. How do I know that name, hun?". Immediately, Mr. L jumps up and says "OMG THATS JEFF! 830 JEFF!". Holy Shit. That triggered my memory. He was referring to an old address of ours, and this was most certainly our old neighbor. The young man, his longtime girlfriend, and their young daughter, used to live in the apartment above us. This man was also the first person to ever offer me pills when I was still sore after a surgery, and a regular supply of them to snort thereafter to supplement the prescriptions I would soon be getting out of my Doctor. This was before I had crossed into shooting, but it was bad nonetheless. He wasn't what you'd call a dealer, he was a just a junkie like us, but he had the connection and was willing to offer it up and bring it right to us. So its not misconstrewed, I am in no way implying here that he's at all guilty for getting me pills or helping me become addicted.

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So many things flew through my mind that moment I realized who it was. OMG. We were fairly close to this couple. Well, I can't say I'm surprised, but still. That SUCKS. He's in so much trouble. He's got priors. No way they'll be able to afford bail. Jail time. His poor family. His girlfriend. His young daughter. She's not that young now, definitely old enough to know daddy's in jail. Poor girl. Might Mr. L have been with him if things were different, and if we hadn't have gotten sober?

I'm still sitting here, staring at this article, feeling so many different things. But I also have this strange sense of relief. Relief of being sober and away from that life, I guess. But then I feel selfish for getting any sort of relief out of this, even if it's about being sober. I really don't know what to think. I am feeling all the feelings right now. I haven't seen this couple in almost 2 years now, and I can only imagine what things might have been like for them if they continued on the same path they were on. Things were bad before. CAS had made several visits to the residence. Welfare & baby bonus cheques went straight to dope instead of necessities. This poor girl saw too much, whether it be huge fights or drug paraphernalia. When he'd bring her down to visit I'd always try to offer her any bit of food or toys that I could find. Even if it was just candies or popsicles, they lit up this kids face like Christmas.

I guess I can only hope that he will be given access to treatment and drug rehabilitation programs as a result of this, and she seeks help so they can make some positive changes. It is still so strange to see his name in this article, with these charges. It brings me back to a pretty dark time, and it saddens me to see that they were pretty clearly still stuck in that darkness of addiction.

I'm feeling very weird after seeing that article. I don't know how to feel.