And I secured a batch of baked goods for my one best friend from my other best friend.

My first friend, let's call her Snarfblat, was asking me to friend her on xbox so we could conceivably play games together. Now, I've only recently started playing video games, so the ins and outs of the machine eludes me, as they tend to do for complete n00bs (I learned that term on The Internet!). She asked me if I'd friended her yet, and I was like, "NO. I HATE YOU" and went back to sleep. She being the adorably easily befuddled person that she is, she thought I was being serious. Also, I didn't throw up a "j/k" or an "i love youuuu!" right after that, so I suppose tone was the issue here.

So I get up from my nap, and check Ye Olde Facebook, and Snarfblat was all, "How could you say that, you're my best friend" so I immediately sent her All The Apologies. Now, my other best friend, let's call him Murgatroyd, sent me A Terse Message asking what's up with me and Snarf, and I was like, "uh, nothing? I made a stupid joke?" and Murg was like, "She thinks you hate her." And I was all, "lol, whut?" So at this point, Snarf hadn't returned my messages, and I was about to call her, and she finally responded, and was like, "Oh, I was just confused because it was random and you didn't say you were joking" and so we patched up a nonexistent spat.

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Now, Murgatroyd is still either stirring up shit or being melodramatic or desperately try to mediate, or something, so I told Snarf that I was gonna pretend that she was still mad at me, as a joke, and would she play along? So she was like, "lol, sure." So I sent Murg All The Desperate Messages, about how I could see her reading my messages and how she wasn't talking to me, and how she's not answering my phone calls, and he's all, Calm down, I'll fix this for you, and I'm all, Thank you so much!!!

So Snarf told me that Murg promised her a batch of brownies if she talks with me. The Dastardly Mr. told her she should wait until he offers money. I am The Best Of Friends, and I Am The Worst Of Friends.

ETA: At this point, Murgatroyd is making a trifle. It is unclear at this time whether this trifle is destined for the totally deserving hands of Snarf or not.