First of all, I know that I'm a pretty lucky person, and I have a lot to be grateful for.

But I HATE MY BIRTHDAY!

Every year, I look back over the past year, and no matter what I've done, it's not enough. I've done A LOT in the last year. I've experienced huge personal growth that I've worked very hard on. I've made great strides in figuring out my career path. I've gotten a lot physically healthier and I've learned new ways to take care of myself. And I've had an enormous amount of love and support for this to happen.

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But I'm still unemployed and terrified I'll never get a job. I don't feel like I know the first thing about men and dating, and wtf I want with my life in that arena. And fuck me if I don't feel like a socially awkward freak almost every time I go out, including last night, when I went by myself and could have EASILY met a ton of people. I had an in. I could have just said "hey cute guy I just met, who's organized a meetup at this event, and who's spent 10 minutes talking to me, introduce me to your friends." But I just wasn't in the right space to make it happen. My brain just wanted me to get the fuck home. Ok - get some tacos and then get the fuck home.

This is not where I thought I'd be at this time in my life. I really thought I'd have it figured out by the time I hit my 40s. I was so, so wrong.