I don't even know why.

I mean, if I take a step back and look at everything that's stressing me, sure, I can see why. But I don't know why I'm suddenly unable to cope. I just want to cry, and can't.

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No positive changes in health lately. I've had episodes four out of the last seven days. My BP is stupidly low, and because I'm now on SIX GRAMS of salt a day, I feel horribly fat and gross. BP isn't going up, and I'm concerned about my kidneys.

So I called the electrophysiologist's office. To schedule the surgery. I had to leave a message for the nurse, so I'm on pins and needles waiting for a call back. I'm having cold sweats right now. **Okay, no sooner did I finish that sentence and then BAM, the office called. I have a tentative surgery date to be confirmed tomorrow. 10/25.**

Is it in part SAD or something? I don't know. I can't exercise much, because I can't do anything with my BP as low as it is. I'm stuck in the house so much, and I try to get out as often as I can...hopping in the car with roomie and the dogs the other evening to go to the gas station.

At least all my doctors are hot?

At least PollyDog is here with me

At least I have a wonderful, supportive boyfriend

At least I have a great network of friends

At least I have GT. That sounds cheesy, but I know I'm not the only one who thinks that!

I need reassurance or some shit. Can you hook me up?