This week has been a particularly bothersome one for me. Mean things the ex said keep floating into my head and it’s really making me sad. Or maybe annoyed? Angry? All three? I don’t know. If it’s cool, I want to put some of the highlights here, because I need to tell someone and it’s really bothering me.

Not exact quotes, but definitely things that stick out in my mind:

“I’m embarrassed sometimes because you’re one of the bigger girlfriends or wives.”

“You chew so loudly!”

“Why do you walk so loudly?”

“Now I’m broke!” (He’d say this “jokingly” after a purchase, even though he knew how guilty I always felt that I didn’t contribute to bill paying (I basically only paid my own stuff).

“Don’t you know I could eat out every night if I wanted to? And I can do my own fucking laundry - that shit is just mechanical, it’s not what’s important.”

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“Now they think you’re just a piece of ass. What does that say about me?” (When I greeted a bachelor party that was at the bar, jokingly flirted with the groom and congratulated him).

“It makes you look like you’re asserting power over me. I SHOULD FEEL LIKE A KING WHEN WE ARE OUT!” This came after I made a throw-away joke when us and some friends were talking about Teslas and how expensive they are; I said jokingly “don’t you wish you were still a bachelor har har” to which he responded “I still am” since we weren’t married. He said my joke was offensive because it made it seem like I ran shit in our relationship and that I was an ingrate.

“Just shut the fuck up. Maybe if you stopped and listened to the words you were saying to me, you’d still be here.”

Never a recognition of how the Nina (that is his daughter’s mom, long story. short version: got upset that I suggested therapy while he was in Haiti, insisted that I don’t listen or care about his emotions, broke up with me over the phone in a hissy fit. Came back to US, slept with this woman, she got knocked up, which is literally the only reason I even know he slept with anyone. And I still worked through it with him. Anyway...) ordeal affected me. Never an apology. Never an acknowledgment of how what he said may have also hurt me. Basically, no accountability for his shit in this relationship. To hear him tell it, I’m just awful and I “made him question his sanity.”

::sigh:: thank you, if you read.

TL;DR - Jiffy is annoyed and hurt and pissed as bad things keep flooding her mind.

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