Some of you may remember that I mentioned that I hadn’t been measured in a long time.

But Ladies of Groupthink, I thought I was ahead of the game. I’d read the statistics, the articles, the shampoo bottles lambasting me with the knowledge that I was most likely wearing the wrong cup size. As a moderately busty gal with a small ribcage, I researched and studied and thought I had beaten the system. I knew my bra size and wielded ‘expertly’ it any time someone brought up over the shoulder boulder holders. Oh how mistaken I was.

But this week, on a fateful Tuesday I decided to go into an upscale lingerie store nearby that was having a sale. Lo and behold, the salesgirl offered to measure me and I was proven completely wrong. To illustrate how absolutely wrong I was, she took my bra strap and pulled it back as far as it would go. She might as well have put her foot on the small of my back, pulled my bra strap and shot me across the room. It literally pulled about a foot away from my back. To double check, I went to Nordstrom’s lingerie department and they concurred. This was not a small error I was wrong by four cup sizes and my band size.

Why does Victoria’s secret only go to DD? Like a dragon hoarding mounds of treasure, they have captured everyone’s business and they do not measure people correctly at all. I mean, I was aware that they were not the best store, but I didn’t think it was THAT bad. I am now convinced no one is wearing the correct bra size and we are all walking around with unsupportive garments clumsily corralling our sweater puppies. I now have only one bra that even slightly fits, and by that I mean it doesn’t fit at all but isn’t as bad as the other ones.

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So now I have to throw away all of my underthings, and start collecting new ones because even the knowledge that I am wearing the wrong size has made me supremely uncomfortable. I have spent most of today spinning my bras around like frilly, ill-fitting nunchucks and trying to find where I can buy new ones for slightly cheaper.

How do we not have this down to a science yet? Bras have existed since at least the 19th century and most women wear them. They are a misunderstood, expensive commodity! How is it that even when you try to research and be an informed boob-haver you come up short?