You all know I've got lots of personal hangups when it comes to dating and things. If you haven't read my previous ramblings: I feel very pathetic and weak for wanting a relationship and experience severe guilt and shame if I do receive affection or go on dates or anything. But this post isn't completely about that.
This girl I saw for a few weeks back in October is the most successful "relationship" I've ever had. I cut it off because she was being very unclear about what she wanted and I couldn't keep on seeing her if she wouldn't actually start developing something with me. I've been over her for a while, but then today she emails me this email that makes me feel so bad. God fucking dammit!!! Here's the whole thing:
"I never really gave you an explanation for what happened between us. I realize that at this point you probably don't even care but I always felt bad about what happened and I would really like to explain it to you for my own sake.
I really liked you. From the beginning. The problem was, a couple weeks after we met I went on a date with another guy that I fell for pretty hard and fast. I would have just broken things off with you then except that right after my first date with him he got offered a job in Hawaii and decided he was moving there in about 2 months. We decided it was stupid to start something with him leaving so it ended.
My really strong feelings for that guy got me incredibly confused. I liked you a lot, and when I was with you I was really happy, but then I would think about the other guy and suddenly get really sad and not know how to explain it to you. I kept wanting to see you because I wanted to get back to how I felt about you before I met the other guy, but I found it incredibly difficult. I thought if I told you you would break things off which I didn't want, even though it totally would have been the right decision. I was in no place to be dating. I should have just been honest with you, and I'm really sorry I wasn't.
Moral of the story: I deleted my OKC a while back, took some time to figure my shit out, and am happily seeing someone I met in real life. I really hope you're happy too.
Anyway, feel free to ignore this, delete it, I don't care, I just needed to tell you. If I left you with any lingering questions I hope this answered them."
What in the ever loving fuck made her think I needed to hear any of that? I was just starting to feel better about myself and bam I feel like a worthless loser now. I texted her this in response:
"I didn't need to hear any of that and I really wish you hadn't told me. It didn't make me feel particularly good. At this point I would appreciate it if you don't contact me."
I think that's a fair response, but right now I'm a fucking wreck.