So you know I have to complain about how terrible it is, right? I mean, I watch it, I love it, but I can objectively say it is so bad!

Exhibit A!: Yesterday, I saw an episode about an arsonist who locks people into theaters, churches, etc. then sets the buildings on fire. Which, ok, whatever. Only, the thing is that dozens of people died pounding on the doors and ZERO people pulled out a cell phone and called the fire department.

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The episode I was watching is from 2009I know we all had cell phones by 2009. I also know that people don't leave their phones at home when they go to the theater—I know this because every time I see a damn movie, there's a jillion tiny blue screens glowing.

That storyline totally would work in the mid '90s (like, if they did a time travel episode, which I am totally looking forward to, because it really might happen!!!) but come on, Criminal Minds, you can't pretend cell phones don't exist.

Exhibit B!: I also saw an episode yesterday where the unsub had OCD. And Prentiss had to explain OCD to Morgan.

Let that marinate for a minute....

An FBI profiler needed OCD, a common disorder that's fairly widely understood, explained to him.

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And trust, it wasn't some special version of OCD that was super-rare. Nope, it was just like, "He's got OCD. That means, he's compelled to do the same things the same way for fear his world might fall apart."

How enlightening, Agent Prentiss/Criminal Minds writers who'd already made the OCD painfully obvious. Thank goodness you're there to explain stuff I learned from Oprah in 7th grade to a profiler.

Exhibit C!: This morning, I couldn't sleep, so I got up to watch, you guessed it, more Criminal Minds (what can I say? I do love it). Right now, I've got an episode on about a guy who runs people over with his truck.

In the first murder scene, a woman's out of her car, running down the middle of the road from the truck. The road is surrounded by mountainous forest.

Uh, lady? Turn left. Or right. Run into the woods or down the mountain or up the mountain OR DO ANYTHING THAT GETS YOU OUT OF THE DIRECT PATH OF THE TRUCK.

Unless, maybe I'm being insensitive...

In which case, I do apologize.

And, I'm sorry to say, she... didn't make it.