So I was drinking with some coworkers after my shift last night, and I accidentally-on-purpose outed myself as bi.

It was a coworker's birthday but he was going through a bad breakup so we were all trying to be supportive and stuff. One person said "Hey, you could make out with Scarlet Johanson. That'll make her jealous! It's a foolproof plan, man!" I laughed and said something like "Yeah, after my breakup I totally made out with Scarlet Johanson and it fixed all my problems." Sad coworker, who apparently becomes very literal when drunk, looks at me and says "Wait...you did?" And I got awkward and started mumbling something about it being a joke, but then for some reason (probably the alcohol) I looked at him with exasperation and practically yelled "Well-yeah, dude! I am bi!" (subtext: GOD, dude! How could you work next to me for months and NOT notice how awkward I get around butch women? quit being so heteronormative!) Not the way I wanted it to come out...

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It's not that I'm afraid of being ostracized by my coworkers (we work in one of the gayest areas of a pretty gay friendly city), I'm just nervous in general about being a woman in a male dominated space. I struggle to avoid being seen as weak, high-maintenance, or eye-candy. I didn't want to also have to deal with men imagining me with my breasts smushed up against another hot chick. I know that's what straight guys think as soon as I tell them- even if they're smart enough not to ask for details their body-language changes. I don't think my female coworkers will really mind, but I don't want them to second guess my motives when I compliment them or stare in their general direction.

Because we're a small group of people word travels fast- I planned to use the rumor mill to my advantage, but since it didn't come out when/how I wanted it to I guess I have no control over it.

Que sera sera, right?

At least it beats how I came out to my mom and sisters. My grandmother died and they picked me up from college to go the funeral. During the 4 hour car trip I blurted out "Hey, you guys wanna hear a secret?...I'm bisexual! Woooo!"

Highlights of that conversation included:

Mom: I can understand being attracted to women. The female form is very aesthetically pleasing. But penis is good. Penis is great! How do lesbians have sex anyway?

Big sis: They scissor, mom. (she demonstrates with her hands)

Me: (Facepalming and dying all at once)

Do you guys have any good/hilarious coming out stories?