I’m really punchy from working 14 hours yesterday, so please entertain me with delightful stories of kid logic. You as a kid, a kid you know, whatever.

When I was little, mouths really confused me. I, being quite full lipped, had no idea how people who didn’t have lips like mine used lip balm without getting it all over their faces Ronald McDonald style. It doubly confused me when I would see girls push their lips out into fish face to put on lip balm. Wouldn’t it not get into all the crevices?