This isn’t what I was planning to do for my first post here, but…I found a lump on my breast?

I just happened to put my hand on it last night while I was reclining, and it was just so unmistakably NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. It’s hard and round and about the size of a wasabi pea, and it doesn’t move, and I can’t stop touching it.

Dr. Google says that 80 percent of lumps are benign, but I’m really impatient to get the okay. I’m supposed to be working on my dissertation prospectus, but who can concentrate when one of your breasts is all “I could be a regular funbag—OR I COULD BE A BAG OF EXPLOSIVES”? My mom got breast cancer two years ago, but supposedly that only impacts your likelihood if your relative has the kind you get when you’re young, right?

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Unfortunately, I’m a grad student and usually just go to the campus clinic, so since I am spending the summer in a different state, I will have to figure out how my insurance works (and where good doctors are) before I can do anything.

Ladies, please: make friends with your breasticles. Get to know them well. And do it standing up AND lying down—mine is on the underside, and I wouldn’t have been able to feel it if things weren’t shifted around a bit.

And surely some of you have found lumps in your humps. Would you mind sharing how that went?