(Super DUPER Trigger Warning for assault)
So I didn't tell you guys earlier because...well, it's embarrassing and confusing and sad, but in order to share this awesome little triumph I have to delve into the bad part a bit.
Back around the time I met SexGod I also met this girl, Nina (not her real name). Nina was hot, Nina was smart, Nina thought I was amazing. Nina also had a boyfriend and liked watching her boyfriend fuck other girls. Nina and I hooked up and wanted to do it again, but she really wanted a threesome. I told her I was not willing to because threesomes with strangers can be coercive, and how I had coercive stuff in my past but she kept pressing the issue. She was coming on really really strong and it was wierding me out so I said "I'm going to this party. Come along if you'd like" and figured being in a public space with all these people interested in active consent will be good for me. Long story short, it was not. Nina, her boyfriend, and another woman they had brought along ended up getting what they wanted. After it was over I looked in their guilty faces while they assured me everything was fine, then I cleaned up and left, doubting my own version of events. The next day Nina texted me to tell me what an awesome time she'd had and in the process confirmed my fears. When I went off on her she crumpled, saying how it must have been a misunderstanding! How they had totally asked for and received verbal consent (They asked, I declined. They did what they wanted). How upset, nay, traumatized her poor boyfriend was! How I needed to come talk to her face to face about it like adults! I told her I'd think about it.
Nina'd been liking my facebook posts since this thing happened, and it was driving me up the wall. I hated seeing her on my chat feed. I hated feeling like I hurt her and her poor boyfriend's fee-fees. I hated feeling like because I was in a kink space when it happened it could be explained away as a "miscommunication."
So a few days ago I defriended her. It felt sooooo good, you guys. I'm doing a happy dance. I also defriended the person who assaulted me two years ago and gave me that damn HPV in the first place— he knew better than to contact me, but I'd kept an eye on him solely so I could know when he left the country (he's an expat who was planning to return home). I felt I wouldn't be able to truly relax unless he left, but I know now I can't wait on my rapist's actions to allow me to heal. I can't be worried about hurting my rapists' fee-fees because that's what got me into those messes in the first place.
I can't really tell anyone else about this victory because they don't know about Nina and I don't want them to. But I figured y'all in GT could celebrate this with me. Thanks for listening. I'm going to do the internet version of making an excuse then awkwardly shuffling away.
...um...goodnight. here's a gif.