Our first big snow storm of the season is going on right now! And of course I had to drive in it. I haven't gone anywhere in weeks and I had to venture not once but twice today. First to see my OB for a follow up on the PPD and then to see my therapist (yay!) because she was able to squeeze me in this evening. This is a photo of my drive home this evening (don't worry I'm at a stop sign).

She thinks I need to see a psychiatrist because clearly my meds are not the correct ones for me. She thinks I need anti anxiety medication. The soonest a psychiatrist can see me is January 27th. fuck my life. I'm on the cancellation list. Again. sigh

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Otherwise I'm just getting Baby Haa ready for her first day at daycare tomorrow. We've got everything together except soothers and bottles. Did I mention my first day back to work I have to drive 2 hours down to Milwaukee for a team building meeting (half my office is located in GB, half in Chicago) and holiday dinner? Everyone is spending the night in Milwaukee but I thought that was too much for me to be away from Baby Haa for the night so I'm driving back after the dinner. Which means a couple things a) I can't get shit faced at dinner and b) I probably won't get back home until 10pm. Let's hope mother nature got this snow shit out of her system for tomorrow. I don't want to be stranded and I don't want to drive back in shitty conditions.

I'm not nervous about her first day. She will be fine. She will be well taken care of. I'm worried how I will be at work. I'm worried about my body, I'm worried about having to pump, I'm worried about being thrown into things immediately my first day back. I don't know that I will be able to handle it. My therapist advised me to tell my boss right away about the PPD, in case it affects my performance. I think it is for the best but I'm nervous about bringing it up. My boss is a mother to 2 young children. Maybe she would understand? Or what if she judges me negatively and lets it color her opinion of me at my job? These are my concerns now.