Our first big snow storm of the season is going on right now! And of course I had to drive in it. I haven't gone anywhere in weeks and I had to venture not once but twice today. First to see my OB for a follow up on the PPD and then to see my therapist (yay!) because she was able to squeeze me in this evening. This is a photo of my drive home this evening (don't worry I'm at a stop sign).
She thinks I need to see a psychiatrist because clearly my meds are not the correct ones for me. She thinks I need anti anxiety medication. The soonest a psychiatrist can see me is January 27th. fuck my life. I'm on the cancellation list. Again. sigh
Otherwise I'm just getting Baby Haa ready for her first day at daycare tomorrow. We've got everything together except soothers and bottles. Did I mention my first day back to work I have to drive 2 hours down to Milwaukee for a team building meeting (half my office is located in GB, half in Chicago) and holiday dinner? Everyone is spending the night in Milwaukee but I thought that was too much for me to be away from Baby Haa for the night so I'm driving back after the dinner. Which means a couple things a) I can't get shit faced at dinner and b) I probably won't get back home until 10pm. Let's hope mother nature got this snow shit out of her system for tomorrow. I don't want to be stranded and I don't want to drive back in shitty conditions.
I'm not nervous about her first day. She will be fine. She will be well taken care of. I'm worried how I will be at work. I'm worried about my body, I'm worried about having to pump, I'm worried about being thrown into things immediately my first day back. I don't know that I will be able to handle it. My therapist advised me to tell my boss right away about the PPD, in case it affects my performance. I think it is for the best but I'm nervous about bringing it up. My boss is a mother to 2 young children. Maybe she would understand? Or what if she judges me negatively and lets it color her opinion of me at my job? These are my concerns now.