Here’s a picture of my hamster, JJ, as a cute tax. Also, TW: mild talk of weight and weight loss in this post.

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I’m not a resolutions person, so I didn’t make any resolutions this new year.

That said, BoyPenguin and I did decide to go dryish for January. (Dryish meaning we had a glass of wine (me) and a beer (him) last Sunday when we went all out on some pizza and apps at our local pizza place. Last night, I poured the remainder of a bottle of red into a glass (it was about two and a half shots worth of liquid), and had a sip. I think he may have had some too. Don’t know. It’s gone now.) We felt like we were drinking too much and wanted to cut back.

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I’ve been doing yoga in our guest bedroom, and lots of situps. I’ve been trying to exercise more and am about to go snowshoeing, since we’ve been getting lots of snow lately. I’ve been losing a bit of weight, which is a nice byproduct of that. My stomach also looks a bit flatter, but I also just finished my period.

I’m doing it to be healthy and all that yadda yadda, but I’ll confess the real reason: I’m going to see an ex-boyfriend at a friend’s wedding in April and I want to look hot. I know it’s petty and vain and all that, and it sort of bothers me that those are my reasons, but whatevs. He broke my heart.

Here’s the story: My friend and I worked together and got along so well, we became out of work friends. She started subtly trying to set me up with her brother by inviting me out to nights when he’d be out with the group. Low key casual, and it worked. We started dating. A few months later, he gets a great offer for a job in another state. He takes the job just as we start telling each other we love each other. We decide to stay together long distance. He moves and a month later, I go to visit him.

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We have a good first few days, but then start talking about the future. It started with him just talking about Thanksgiving plans, which clearly didn’t include me, and devolved into a whole “where is this going?” thing. I asked him all sorts of questions, things I should have asked earlier in the relationship, but didn’t. He had no answers, literally would open his mouth and close it again. I called it The Goldfish, because he looked like a fish (-.O.-.O.-.O.). And then he broke up with me in the airport just before I was going to fly home.

I was shredded and cried for a week, didn’t eat (much) for two, and it took me a while to put myself back together.

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In retrospect, there were red flags in terms of his ability to communicate and his overall emotional intelligence. I have re-read my journals from the relationship and I saw some issues, but held off on having those conversations because I was afraid he’d react exactly the way he did. So I had some things to learn from that too. I also realized that, while I wrote about the relationship a lot in my journals, what I remember from that time in my life is spending time with my friends (he only met my friends once—we always hung with his friends, another reddish flag). So at least my brain has edited those times in a nice way for me! Lol.

Anyway, in the six years since we broke up, I’ve dated some people, moved, and moved on, and now have an absolutely amazing relationship with BoyPenguin. The funny thing was, in my diaries while dating GoldfishBoy, I wrote about the kind of relationship that I wanted with him. I never got it, but when I saw what I’d written about what kind of relationship I wanted, I realized that I do have it with current boyfriend!

In those same six years, he hasn’t had a serious girlfriend (I know from facebook stalking and because I’m still good friends with his sister, the one getting married). So yeah, the shallow part of me wants to look awesome when I see him at the wedding in April. Does that make me a bad person, or just a little bit evil?

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Share your thoughts, confessions, and little bit evil or big bit evil plots for this coming year!