We left off in the middle of the super easy 40 step program for Masculine men to follow. There’s still a lot to go through, so I’ll jump right back in.

22: “Share your interests or talents with your children.” Oh, that’s actually swee- wait, nope. This section ends with the line “Remember, they must also care about you to respect you.” You’re not spending time with your kids because you love them, it’s so that you can get them to respect you more. Respect, not love, is the end goal. Don’t want your testosterone levels dropping and making your brain fry, now do you?

25: “Make a full commitment to your family apparent... You can easily say, “I will always be here for you. Do you understand?”” How does Cutno make that sounds like such a threat?

Advertisement

26: Communicate. “Feminine women need verbal communication in order to feel intimately close to anyone. If you do not give her this, your woman will either become masculine, or get this type of verbal expression which she needs, from someone else.” It suddenly hits me that nothing in this book is about love. Even this: Don’t talk to your wife about mutual interests or because you enjoy it, do it because real women (sorry, feminine women) are delicate flowers who need verbal communication because they’re apparently too dense to read body language or anything else. If you don’t do this, she’ll grow a theoretical dick and/or leave you.

28: “Make certain that your woman feels safe with you in all situations.” How can she fuck this one up? Let’s see. “Do not pressure your wife for sex, as sexual pressure feels terribly unsafe to women.” It’s the man’s job to make sure that she feel “non-sexually loved enough to let her guard down and want to “share her loving sex” with you.

So a man is supposed to pick a woman who is willing to have sex as much as he wants, and dump her if she doesn’t, and then avoid pressuring her for sex, but only because then “you may enjoy sex with your woman daily”. That’s not an impossible mind-fuck at all!

Sponsored

After reading through this again, it still sounds unbelievable, so here is the page in case you thought I’m twisting her words:

This section ends with the following line: “Healthy women don’t feel love from sex alone AT ALL.” The Victorian were right, guys. If women enjoy sex outside of a committed relationship, they’re obviously unhealthy, and way too Masculine for their own good.

29: Spend at least 10 hours a week away from your family to “keep your masculinity centered.” Does this mean you should pull a Ron Swanson and build a log cabin without nails? Of course not! You only become more masculine in comparison to the people around you who tell you how great you are. Therefore, spend time with “nuns, geisha, or grandmothers; who appreciate you non-sexually.”

I swear on my mother’s life I did not make that up.

Incidentally, I think that may be the first time in history that those three words have appear together. Google thinks so too.

Can you imagine the following scenario? A man walks up to a convent and kocks on the door. “Hi, I don’t think my testosterone is as high as it could be. Can I hang out here for a while?”

Advertisement

Advertisement

30: “Spend at least 15 hours a week FOCUSED on your children.” I can’t gripe about this one, except...

31: “Spend at least 40 hours a week FOCUSED on your wife.”

What the hell? 40 + 15 (kids) + 10 (nuns) = 65 hours a week gone. Assume he works 40 hours a week (and that his magical boss doesn’t make him account for the hours he spends stalking his wife) plus another 5 for commuting, that leaves 58 hours a week. Oh, and that 40 hours with your wife? The doesn’t include your daily sex: “Whatever you do, do not allow sex at these times. Tell her you’re focusing on love, not sex at this moment. (Even if untrue).” Granted, I’m guessing his sex sessions don’t take that long, so we’ll only knock off another hour for all 7 days’ worth. This man has 57 hours a week to sleep, shower, run errands (don’t forget, he can’t let his wife do anything), meet friends, and do everything else in his life.

Advertisement

I don’t think it’s weak testosterone caused by hurt feelings that are causing his mental and physical health issues.

33: “Constantly provide.” We get it. The man has to be the breadwinner. “Whatever it is, it must be COMPLETELY reliable, so that they can learn to count on you, even if it’s just $5 a month in the mail for your children to actually see.” I only see two ways this makes sense. Either he has grown children living away from home that the Manly man still sends money to to foster dependence and respect, or he has young children living elsewhere and it’s somehow acceptable for him to send only $5.00 as long as the kids see it and know it’s from him. Both scenarios are disturbing.

34: Stay connected. “You should be constantly checking on your family, at least every 2-3 hours” because that’s not creepy a all!

Advertisement

Advertisement

39: “Don’t physically hurt or dominate your family ever.” How can Cutno possibly ruin this? Read on! “There should be no force or violence from your wife either, which is especially emasculating to boys.” If your boys ever see that it’s possible for a woman to lose her temper, their penises will basically fall off!

40. “Tell your family EXACTLY how to show appreciation to you, for all that you do.” Ok, can anyone see this guy’s family as anything but frightened mice who don’t even know how to say thank you without him correcting them? “Only you can teach your family how you’d like to be appreciated.” That’s because NONE OF THIS IS NATURAL!

The book started out funny, but the more I read the more depressed I get at the thought that there are people out there who think this is how men and women should act (although I was laughing out loud at the nuns, grandmothers, and geisha time). At least I’m done with the instructions for the Manly Mens. Next up, if I can take it, are the 40 steps for women to become proper, feminine, submissive, helpless doormats.