So, after that post where the ex-husband of a coworker posted a picture from this book, I googled it so see where it came from and found out that a) it was written by a woman, and b) it was available on Amazon’s Kindle Unlimited, which meant that I could read it for free. Out of curiosity and probable masochism, I downloaded it. I thought it would be a painful hate-read, but it has turned out to be the funniest thing I’ve read in years. It’s just THAT BAD.

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First off, the author (Ro Elori Cutno) writes in a way that would make my high school English teacher have a conniption. Here’s a direct quote: “I believed that the International couples I knew, had better success, due to less American media exposure, and less feminism; but more details needed uncovering!”

Then there’s how she came across the knowledge that she’s so desperate to impart. In the introduction, the author explains without embarrassment how she came to the conclusions in the book. If Cutno has ever heard of the scientific method, I bet she quickly labelled it as a dangerous Western tradition that should be avoided at all cost. She says that she wanted to find out why “couples from almost all other parts of the world (besides the Western Hemisphere) seemed to be fairing so much better.” With that assumption (that length of marriage = strength of marriage), she interviewed ‘thousands’ of men from around the world (yes, only men), and chose 1000 who were over 25, came from “generations of happy men married to happy women” (which is totally quantifiable, right?), and who were “taught how to be men by direct example from their healthy male figures”. So rather than interviewing a random selection of people, she openly admits to filtering out anyone who already didn’t meet her direct assumption about male and female gender roles, then uses those examples to say how all men and women should act.

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As I read, I was highlighting various paragraphs in three different colours. Yellow meant that I thought the text was easily disprovable and/or didn’t make sense, orange meant that it was straight out bizarre, and red meant that it was borderline insane/dangerous/made me want to lock up the author. My first red line came 12 pages into the book:

“A man’s family is his blood and lineage, and should be treated with the highest care, protection, respect, and honor. No person should even be allowed to look at a man’s family in a negative way, without him openly setting them straight.”

Is it me, or does that seem to be the justification for honor crimes around the world? It diminishes the importance and value of anyone in his family except for that person’s relationship to the man. It also states that it is the man’s responsibility and right to do whatever it takes to preserve his honor.

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The first part of the book is written to the man in the relationship. It contains her instructions for how a man can overcome his ‘Westernized’ upbringing and learn to be a manly masculine man. Step one, of course, is how to choose the right woman. No self-improvement is necessary ahead of that. The questions every man needs to ask about his wife include making sure she is always positive, compassionate, patient, and appreciative; she needs to know that she needs a man to be complete; “she should be willing to make love enough for your appetite” (another red line there), and doesn’t want to work outside the home unless absolutely necessary. If your current wife doesn’t meet these goals, she advises “choosing a woman who is more suitable”.

Yep.

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Step 2 is to not allow any ‘emasculation’ from your family. What does that mean? Basically, make sure that your wife and children always treat you like a god and never question anything you say or do. Why? Because “Avoiding emasculation is literally a matter of heath and safety for men”. If anyone laughs at you good-naturedly, your willpower, mood, physical strength, immune system, sex drive, sperm count (!!!!), work performance, nervous system (!!!!!), and self esteem are all negatively affected. “Even after 40+ years of marriage, a man still cannot forget to demand respect from the women and children in his life.” Oh, yeah, didn’t I mention that? None of this comes naturally (duh), so it’s up to the man to enforce everyone’s respect of him. After all, “Once a woman becomes dominant over her man, she will feel and be out of control without her man as her leader to giver her boundaries (sic).”

Step 3: LEAD! “Your wife should not be put into situations where she is required to lead.

She’s got 40 steps in her little program, and most of them are repetitive. I’m not going to transcribe everything in the book, but just the lines that jumped out at me. First thing I’ve got to get off my back: except for sex (thankfully), women and children are always grouped together. There’s even the phrase “The developing or feminine mind”. Children and women are equally weak and need guidance and rules, in the author’s eyes.

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Step 8 was to “collect a book of wisdom to pass on to your children.”

This is what I pictured too.

Step 9: “Start trust funds.” This is TOTALLY doable for everyone, right?

10: “Rescue your wife and children as much as possible... even for things they don’t need” (to keep them completely dependent on you). I almost highlighted this entire section. “If your wife tells you over the phone that the baby is too heavy to her to carry at the zoo, show up at the zoo to carry the baby” (the book assumes you have the most flexible, understanding boss ever). “Real men don’t let their family members worry, feel bad, have stress, or do anything which they can do to protect them.”

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11: “Quickly answer their phone calls, questions, requests, texts, and emails. No other person or job should receive this type of dedication.” Again- where does this guy work?

12: Know the details, plans, and locations of each family member at ALL times... especially your daughters. After all, you never know when someone is going to teach them how to open a car door, and then they’ll never be feminine props for another manly man!

13: Have regular mealtimes and show how important your wife and children are to you by having “proper plates, flatware, and real breakable glasses. Valuable people don’t eat or drink from plastic at home.” This was one of those bizarre orange highlights. It’s just such a weird hill to die on. ‘I thought you loved me, until you served me water in a plastic cup!’

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16: “Respect your wife and any mother of your children” (I guess in your search for your perfect feminine wife you collected a few baby-mothers along the way). This whole section was a gem. Basically, women are hysterical creatures prone to mood swings, and it’s up to Masculine Men to calm them down and keep things orderly. Remember, “a woman’s behavior has nothing to do with you AT ALL.” Right. Your constant nitpicking, stalking, babying, and disapproval didn’t cause ANY emotional upsets.

20: “Hold each of your family members daily for at least 10 minutes.” The teen I remember being is rocking back in forth in the fetal position at the thought of this being enforced.

21: “Baby and kiss your wife often.” There’s nothing more sexy than infantilization! “You should not let her do...any man’s work, or work too hard outside of the home (hopefully not at all)... Don’t let anyone to even bother her, including your children.” This author has obviously never seen a normal child-parent relationship. “If your woman wants something, ... whether a car or a glass of water, verbally insist on getting it for her. However, men should not get into the habit of physically serving women too much. This is a feminine act (women are natural servants!) and serving anyone too much is emasculating.” The paradox of how you insist on doing everything for your wife and yet somehow prevent yourself from actually serving her isn’t explained. Maybe slam that glass of water in front of her with a snarl and make her sorry for ever hinting she needed anything?

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Bizarro-Orange section continues: “Regularly undress & dress your woman. For this, she will respect you greatly... However, it is super important not to talk or let her talk when you do this.”

Huh? I think a few of my neurons just killed themselves rather than make sense of that.

This bit ended with the following warning: “If she has to do these things herself for too long, she’ll become masculine thinking, and confused about her role as a woman. If your wife becomes masculine thinking, this will ruin your marriage, sex life, and take a huge piece of your masculinity with it. Guaranteed (sic).”

So, that’s 20% of the book done. I didn’t think there’d be this much to write about, but thought that enough people here would get a kick out of this advice without wanting to give the author any more revenue (even the fractions of pennies she’d get from Kindle Unlimited). If people are interested, I’ll continue to pass on the great advise I’m accumulating in my search to become a proper, feminine woman.