Okay. So. Grad school has been eating me alive, and I should really be working on a painfully dumb adult development case study, but I am going to take a break for a brief vent. I'm pretty certain that once I type it out I will realize for certain how stupid it all is, which will make me feel better on its own. (But feel free to chime in!)
So. I have had a crush for the last few months on a guy I'm going to call BadIdea. BadIdea is devastatingly handsome, hilarious, well-educated, quick-witted, and generally just as charming as charming can be. He is flirty and an extraordinarily talented painter. He also has a full-time grown up job. He is also four years younger than me.
...he is also a functional alcoholic (bad idea), and, being an artist, kind of melodramatic at times (bad idea).
We've been hanging out pretty regularly for the past few months and a few weeks ago I ended up spending the night at his house (for the second time...the first time...well. A story for another time, but suffice to say that nothing happened between us). This time we fell asleep after a ravenous makeout session. It was delightful.
I haven't seen him for two weeks because he's been out of town on the weekends and I don't do anything social during the week.
We made plans to hang out this upcoming Friday. I confessed my crush to him. He told me he's really averse to dating right now, and he doesn't want to "fool around and get away with it," meaning he needs to "stop being so foolish, especially with wonderful women such as [myself]."
..."We're still on for Friday, right? I don't get enough witty banter in during the week."
I kind of want to punch him in the face. I saw it coming a million miles away, and in some ways it's really helpful because it kind of proves the point that BadIdea is, indeed, a bad idea. But I'm not entirely sure how to process it beyond that.
I dodged a bullet, right? Do I get to be pissed off, or does that launch me into the league of Nice Guys (tm) for being upset that he doesn't want to date me after being such a merciless flirt and making out with me? (Oh god I hate re-reading that).
....in the grand scheme of things, this is hilariously inconsequential. I know this. But given that I've had such a limited opportunity to socialize, I'm sure I've blown it out of proportion.
....thoughts? I'm ready to be told I'm being a dummy too, so lay it on me, guys.
ETA: I cancelled our plans for Friday, saying I had double-booked the evening (because I am an evasive jerk and didn't really feel like getting "into it" via text message)
"No problem! Rain check. :)"
I plan on ignoring him as long as possible and seeing what happens.
Thank you for your feedback, kind words, and reassurance, everybody. I feel a million times better. YAY GT.