Oh hai guys! You wanna hear a story?

Yay, story time!

So, next Sunday is one of my best friend's weddings. We'll call her Jill. Jill got engaged more than two years ago, when we weren't as close - in fact, we weren't speaking at the time. She chose another girl that we were at one time mutually friends with as her matron of honor - we'll call her Laura. Some shit went down between them this weekend, to put it mildly.

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To fully understand the extent of this crazy, you guys need the back story. I met Laura more than five years ago, when she was dating Charles - who is now Jill's fiance, just for added crazy. She became like my little sister. She was always kind of immature (my boyfriend at the time once said someone needed to "kick the high school out of her"), but when she met the guy she is married to now, we'll call him Lawrence (because they actually do have the same name in real life - to make things even weirder) she got worse. Like way, way, way worse. Her car died and she started calling me for rides every day. She'd ask me to bring her lunch - and she worked nights, so it was usually 1 am. I was in grad school at the time. She never paid me back a penny for all of this. As you can imagine, this began to put a strain on our relationship, but I never said anything. Then when she got engaged she made me maid of honor. Right around the time she started dating Lawrence, I also started dating the Abusive Asshole. He proposed to me a few months after she got engaged, and I knew it was too soon but I said yes anyway. Then, three months before Laura's wedding, the Abusive Asshole cheated on me and proceeded to treat me extraordinarily terribly for about the next 6 months. I withdrew, lost 20 pounds in two weeks, became suicidal and barely finished grad school. TBH, I wasn't as good a maid of honor as I could have been, but I tried. About a month after the Abusive Asshole began his reign of extra-shittiness, Laura started a fight with me over where I was going to purchase her flowers (I arrange wedding flowers for my friends for free because I used to do it for a living). It devolved and she kicked me out of the wedding for being a bad maid of honor. Then every single one of my other friends that lived in this town stopped being friends with me too, including Jill (for different, but related, reasons - basically, being in an abusive relationship made me a shitty friend.)

A year and a half passes. Jill and I make up. Laura and I make up. It's a little hard to forgive Laura because I feel like I never did anything to her and I tried my best, but I swallow my pride and apologize and say nothing to her. At this point Laura is in Jill's wedding and I'm not. But this was last August, and since then Jill and I have become much closer, so in April she added me to the wedding party. We order our dresses in April. Laura (who is absolutely terrible with money) says she'll use her tax refund, which is substantial, to pay for the dress and her husband's tux. But she doesn't. Instead she buys a new couch and nice dishes. We say nothing. As planning proceeds, she shows no interest in helping. She starts missing wedding-related events, not showing up for fittings or the engagement party or the invitation-making sessions. I start picking up her slack. She never buys her dress.

Skip to the end of July. Laura has chosen a date for the bridal shower (which not even all the bridesmaids can attend), but about a week and a half from the shower I realize she hasn't sent out invitations. I go to her and ask if she needs help. She says that would be nice. I end up hand-making all the invitations by myself. And then she doesn't mail them until two days before the shower. And she doesn't send them to about a third of the people and doesn't even send Jill an invitation to her own shower, even though I made enough invitations. About two days before the shower it becomes obvious to me that Laura just isn't going to do anything for the shower - she doesn't have games, she doesn't have favors, she doesn't have a menu planned, she's not really able to cook for a party, and she has no money. So I just decide I'm going to do everything. I and another bridesmaid stay up until 2 in the morning the day before the shower cooking. I spend $100 on supplies and favors and alcohol. Laura comes over to my house at about 11:30, when I'm cleaning up and putting the finishing touches on everything, and asks if I need help with anything. I'm like, "No, I'm good, thanks though." Then she asks me what I'm going to get Jill for her shower. I'm like, "Well, this shower is pretty much my present." And she's like "Yeah, it's definitely our present to Jill." OUR PRESENT? OUR MOTHERFUCKING PRESENT?

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Whatever. I'm pissed, but I don't want to start drama for Jill, so I say nothing. But Jill doesn't. They get into Fight #1 the day after the shower, then sort of make up. Then yesterday morning Laura messages me on Facebook to tell me she feels left out of the wedding planning.

Oh my god. Are you fucking serious. I try to politely tell her, look, the wedding is a week away, I just have to get stuff done at this point and I can't work around other peoples' schedules. She won't stop talking about it so I tell her to talk to Jill. So she does. Jill tells her if she wants to help she can FUCKING BUY HER DRESS. Because you know, the wedding is a week away and she doesn't have a dress yet. So Laura is like, "What, do you think I'm a bad matron of honor?" and Jill is like, "Well honestly, yes." And you can imagine where it went from there. After half an hour of Facebook fighting, Laura is like "Fine, I'm not friends with you anymore!" and blocks Jill. Because we are 12 years old, apparently. I'm at Jill's house helping her with last-minute stuff. Laura immediately tries to call me, and I don't pick up. She messages me that Jill ended their friendship, and Jill sees it and gets even more upset.

So here's Laura, complaining to me about Jill, when she's the one who cut herself out of the wedding party and she kicked me out of her own wedding party. Do you not see the irony here?

With all the restraint in my being, I managed to calmly write the nicest letter I could possibly write wherein I explained to Laura that I had been frustrated with her about some things, but what happened between her and Jill was between them. Oh my god it was so hard to remain civil.

ETA: OH I forgot to mention that Laura's mom was also making Jill's cake, because Laura insisted. Now she's refusing to make the cake. Jill luckily managed to find someone willing to make her a cake on such short notice.