Today, I was shopping at our Target, which has a Starbucks inside. To gird my loins, I decided to order a soy mocha.

The woman looked pretty annoyed with either me or the cash register. She rang me up, then went off to make my drink, still disgruntled about something.

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A few minutes later, she handed it to me. It didn't have any markings on the side. "Um, is this soy?"

"...Sure."

I thought about protesting, but there was a line forming, so I decided to believe that she was being honest. This was a mistake.

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As I walked around, I started feeling bloated. As I checked out, I got the first twinges of pain in my gut. By the time I got home, I could barely walk due to the stomach cramps. I grabbed two extra-strength Tums and camped out in the bathroom for the next half-hour.

The pain is gone, but my family is still being punished by milk farts. Even the dog is all "Don't you dare blame this on me, human."

Moral of the story: Do not believe the hesitant barista.