I don't know what to do. The small amount of free time that I have, i can't wind down enough to truly relax.

Wine doesn't help. I'm on sleeping pills that knock me out when I have to go to bed but I'm still not sleeping very deeply, and I average 5-6 hours a night.

I feel like I've got two speeds right now: Anxiety riddled (which is also a mixture of wired, irritated, and hyper vigilant), or EXHAUSTED. I'd probably smoke pot if I wasn't already paranoid as hell.0 I haven't taken Xanax in years, I had an rx when I was 21 and going through a particularly bad spell but that almost sounds like a welcome break too. :/

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Fuck this schedule of mine. I will never do this to myself ever again if I can help it.