I see Countess Von Fingerbang might be in the market for a GT wife. This is me throwing my hat into the ring (Countess Von KapaiGirl has a nice ring to it, no?) with some vows I have prepared:

I, KapaiGirl, take thee, Countess von Fingerbang, to my wedded GT Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for lentils and no lentils, in drama and in no drama, in troll attacks and in main paging, to recommend her posts, to GIF and to cherish, till forgetting our Kinja passwords us do part, according to Kinja's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.