I work what is likely a dead-end job. I've done some interesting things with my role but I don't get much recognition at work and I've been passed over for a few promotions based on what I perceive to be sexist hiring practices.
That's not all in my head, for what it's worth — we recently had an HR questionnaire go out specifically asking people if they felt that the workplace was sexist and asked for our advice on how to fix it. But then they recently hired our very attractive 19 year old secretary to fill a junior-level marketing job despite the fact that she has no relevant experience or degree. Which isn't her fault, of course, and I don't begrudge her for jumping on a great opportunity, but it's also complete bullshit because she quickly found out that they hired her specifically so she'd feel "grateful" and accept a lower salary with longer hours because they're doing her such a big favor.
Why am I even here? I graduated at the bottom point of the economic crash. Jobs were scarce and I found one with steady hours and a steady schedule that paid me a decent — but not fantastic — amount of money. I was lucky at the time, and I acknowledge that.
In the meantime, I've kept up with writing and I now contribute to a handful of blogs, do some corporate ghostwriting, and I might (!) have just landed a regular paid contributor gig with a fairly well-known blog. I want to be excited about this. I want to think that it's all going somewhere. I also have to remind myself that paid writing counts as a "job," and that what I do in my off time counts just as much as my 9-to-5, but it's hard to really believe it. Ultimately, when I ask what I do, I always describe my desk job before I'll call myself a writer.
I also know that I'm 26 (almost 27) and that very few people at my age have all of their shit together. I've been in a committed relationship for 4 years, I'm engaged, and I have 2 beautiful cats (seriously they're so cute). We get to travel almost every year. So far we've been to Seattle, Penticton, New Orleans, and London — and we're about to travel around Ireland for 2 weeks. Plus we already live in Vancouver, which is basically a round-the-clock vacation destination. These are all good things if you want them, and I do.
I've applied for a number of different jobs since I've been here — both inside and outside of this particular company. I've gone on a number of interviews, and a handful of callbacks, which is a positive sign given how many horror stories I've heard from friends sending out endless applications and never receiving a single phone call. Meanwhile they keep working their coffee shop gig that — if they're lucky — gives them 25 hours a week. So I feel guilty about it, but I am bored with my 9-to-5 job all the same.
More than that, I'm embarrassed by it. My actual position is fine — management, data analysis and reporting, conflict resolution, etc. But the department in which I work is one that gets a sympathetic smile from anyone I talk to. And I'm going to guess I don't even need to say it — you already know.
Sometimes I feel disgusted with myself — how could I have graduated almost 4 years ago and still be here? Why haven't I done more with my life? Why haven't I found my passion? And if I have (is it writing?) why aren't I doing more to get more work?
Then I wonder if even if I had "the" job (whatever that is) and lots of money, I might still be just as bored with the day-to-day. You hear so many stories about people who have everything and are still disappointed, depressed, and unfulfilled. Would writing full-time just make me hate writing?
Most of the time I assume it's just a typical 20-something moan — particularly the moan of a Millennial raised by Boomers who expect that everything still works like it's 1981 and if you just shine your shoes and march right into that television studio boy howdy you'll be writing the rip n' reads by the 10 o'clock news. A slight exaggeration, but not by much.
And does having an "impressive" job matter if you're just as bored at your desk all day anyway? And what is an impressive job?
In the meantime, Jesus, I'm just so bored.
Is this normal? Is this a rut? Are you in the same position? Were you in the same position?