Borg got rid of the post, but I typed this out and I feel like sharing it. This really happened to me, it’s completely true even though it sounds unbelievable.

I had a roommate who ran up a $1000 cable bill (which was in my name) by ordering movies, which were absolutely not worth watching, and porn. Plenty of porn (which goes for a premium when you buy it through the cable company). For all I know he did it out of spite and didn’t even watch any of it. He didn’t have a job and wasn’t enrolled in school, which I’m sure made his doctor mother very proud. She did not welcome my phone call at work asking for money.

When I couldn’t pay that bill the cable got shut off and another roommate stole all the silverware from the kitchen in retaliation. Seem this situation was my fault, not the other guy’s fault. Makes sense. So this guy stole the silverware, which I had stolen from the dining hall fair and square, making it my silverware, natch. When I couldn’t find a fork to eat my food with I confronted him. This angered him greatly and he threatened to smash my head into the wall. I called his bluff and told him to go right ahead (is is my favorite piece of personal mythology, so I can thank him for that, I suppose).

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Apparently, that made him feel emasculated or something, because he wasn’t done retaliating. He put flour in my gas tank (dummy, it’s sugar! I got the gas line flushed and still drive that damn car. Talk about a vandalism fail) and, wait for it... put his dog’s shit in my laundry.

That’s right.

He put his dog’s shit in my laundry. I found it when I went to do laundry and found shit and maggots under my clothes.

So. That happened.

He’s now an attorney who runs some sort of fucking charity. That’s interesting, since I distinctly remember arguing with him passionately about universal healthcare. I thought it was basic human dignity and he thought that poor people deserved to die because it was their fault that they were poor. I assume he’s setting the stage for a run for office one day and still has a cold, evil, shriveled little heart of coal.

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When that day comes I am going to give one helluva tell all interview. Mark my words.