Okay, so the guy who tends to my bike is now transitioning. I've always known him as a him and Jack never told me he is transitioning. I usually put my bike up for the winter and haul it out for whatever touch up it needs. I walked into the bike store and Jack has a large rack. Obviously, when I made my appointment with him, I didn't speak to him because his voice wasn't as high pitched as when I actually brought my bike in. I brought in our usual favorite (good beer), snacks, we gossiped, and Jack yelled at me about riding it before he got to see it first (some people are so sensitive!). The point is that Jack and I are cool, but I guess not cool enough for him to tell me he's transitioning. But, now that I know, I don't want to be disrespectful. Do you think he's not telling me because he thinks I'll react poorly? Did he maybe think I would automatically get it when I saw his new breasts? If he did expect me to get it, why didn't he correct me on his name? Does he think I'm a bigot who won't recognize his transition?
I don't know a pronoun to use, so I just use Jack's name. Jack and I see each other every weekend on a group ride. I don't know how or if I should bring it up. Jack's my group ride buddy, so I would like to figure this out for the Memorial Day ride. I'm not sad that Jack didn't tell me, but I am surprised. Either way, I'd like some tips on how to address Jack and which pronouns to you. I've been under the belief that you refer to the person as that person first presented to you, to use those same pronouns, and the same name until the person transitioning tells you. I don't want him thinking that by calling Jack by that name means I'm transphobic or the fact that I didn't mention his breasts that I'm transphobic. The reason I didn't mention his breasts his because like every other woman in the world, I think Jack would have be offended if I announced my love of his new breasts.
Does anyone have any tips? Should I just go with it until Jack mentions it? Should I be concerned that because I didn't say anything, that Jack thinks I'm not supportive? I care for Jack and I want Jack to know I'm in his corner and not ignoring his transition.*
*I use "he" because he hasn't told me anything else and I think the conventional wisdom that you call the person in your life by the original pronouns until s/he tells you.