I got thick ass hair.

My hair so thick, it left the house in high heels and came back in flip flops.

My hair so thick, I wear two watches for each of the time zones it's in.

My hair so thick, it once played Kirk Cameron's father on tv.

And my hairdryer just started smoking (nothing's blocking the vent and there's nothing in it), so I'm on the look out for a new, better, faster one.

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My hair's gotten long lately and so drying involves: squeezing water out, putting in too small Turbie Twist, saying fuck it, and using a regular towel, crying, blow drying for 20-30 mins on hot (yes, I know it's bad!), crying, using my Conair instyler rip off, saying fuck it and putting in a messy bun.

How can I simplify?

Thoughts on:

The Goody Quik Style Half Round Brush and this Blow Out Kit? I'd prefer buying from Ulta because I need the points for status, but will also need a few more for VIB status at Sephora, so suggest away.