Calling all wannabe and current grad school people!

YOU GUISE - what in the blue hell is this torture device known as the "Statement of Purpose" and why does every. Single. Goram. University. have different requirements?!

My brain cannot get past the desire to just completely fuck off on these because the parameters sound so unbelievably high-flyingly, seriously, hoity-toity, and the devious rebel in me really wants to screw with them. I mean, I'm applying for an MFA in creative writing, after all.

I mean, COME ON:

"Please provide an essay of 3 to 5 pages, addressing any or all of the following: motivation for seeking a graduate degree in creative writing; literary preferences and backgrounds; writing projects; reading life; academic background; career aspirations; et al."

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The "et al" slays me. I have no idea why. But every time I read that, I literally burst into tears of hilarity that it makes it sound like I must encompass ALL THINGS WRITING AND LITERARY in 3-5 pages. So, you know, really narrow and focused.

Another university to which I'm applying has just about the same wording, but the requirement is 350 words. THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY WORDS to talk about all things literary and written as they relate to myself.

But seriously: is it totally inappropriate to incorporate the fact that I have tattoos dedicated to specific works of literature? And that I use them as inspiration in my writing and have been known to bust them out in the library in order to provide recommendations to people looking for something to read? (Yes, really).

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I mean...I have some ideas on why I'm doing this that actually are worthwhile (writing stories that address taboo or under represented subjects in modern fiction, spreading literacy and writing skills to disadvantaged neighborhoods with an aim to giving them their own voice, etc), but I'm having a huge problem trying to be serious about this. HAAAAAAAALP.