Does anyone else have a pet peeve about specific smarmy attempts to be clever that aren't actually clever at all and make you want to punch the person doing it? I have several, but the one that's stuck in my head right now is when people respond to "fuck you" with "no, thank you," or "go fuck yourself," with "gladly" — accompanied, always, by a "gosh I'm so smart and edgy and I bet you didn't see that coming" facial expression.

Anyone who says that and thinks they're being witty needs to either a) age out of their teenage conception of what cleverness is, or b) just stop talking altogether. Thousands of other people equally lacking in cleverness and creativity have already gone before you, you asshat. You are the Comcast of people.

What are yours, GT?